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A few months ago, Brandon lost a fake tooth. I call it a fake tooth, because even though it was his first baby tooth to come out, the dentist took it out, so it doesn’t count. It’s fake. A few days ago, he lost his first real tooth. An eensy weensy tiny one in the front, on the bottom. We practically lost the thing because it’s so tiny!

He was definitely excited. We were at Grandma’s house when the tooth finally came out, and of course, Grandma had to give him some money. And by some money, I mean FIVE DOLLARS.

Five dollars? For one tooth? You know the tooth fairy has to one-up Grandma, and being this is our first tooth of all the kids, I’m going to need a second mortgage by the time all these teeth are gone!

Oh, and then Brandon charged people a quarter to look at his tooth. And another quarter to look at the hole in his mouth. Smart kid.

Well, six dollars and seventy-five cents later, we went home and wrapped the tooth up for the tooth fairy to come get it during the night.

Dad wasn’t with us during this exciting time, but Brandon called him and told him, and Mike assured him he would be home before bedtime to see the tooth.

But he wasn’t.

Brandon was okay with it and was probably more excited about doubling his income overnight. So I assigned Mike the task of tooth fairy so he could at least play a small part in this whole Real Tooth Losing thing.

The next morning, I asked Mike how much money he left Brandon for his tooth. Mike stares at me.

Blink. Blink.

“What tooth?” He asks. I gave him a second and then I saw the light come on… “Oh crap! I completely forgot!”

He hurried to Brandon’s room as quietly as possible because the boys were certainly going to wake up any second. But he was too late.

Brandon met him in the hallway, tooth in hand, puzzled look on his face...

Brandon: “The tooth fairy didn’t take my tooth!”

Mike: “Oh, well, I talked to her last night, and I asked her to leave it so that I could see it and she said that was okay.”

Brandon: “But she didn’t leave me any money either!”

Mike: “Are you sure? Lets go look.”

Mike was able to hide the money in his hand, reach under the pillow and… “Look, Brandon! Here it is!” Brandon was excited. But also disappointed because the tooth fairy left him the same amount of money that Grandma gave him.

So, then the next night, we re-positioned the tooth for the fairy. Again.

Mike was in charge. Again.

The next afternoon, I asked Mike what he did with the tooth (so that it can properly hidden, of course).

Mike stares at me.

Blink. Blink.

“What tooth?”

Another New Year's Resolution. In September?

I know it's not really New Years, but I'm one of those people that likes to make jokes in times of seriously serious seriousness. You know, the annoying person that you just sigh at and wish would shut up? Yeah, that's me.

But in all serious seriousness, I'm ready to turn over a new leaf.

Three weeks have gone by, and I've been on emotional roller-coaster the entire time. I'm ready to get off this ride and get back to normal. Or what I was used to as normal.

I've been busy teaching my children. And not teaching them the usual ABCs and 123s. Instead, I've been teaching them about life and death. Very recently, our always reliable babysitter was taken away much too soon. And for reasons we aren't totally sure of. I know I've ranted about her at least once here, but we always hurt the ones we love, right? No? Crap.

Okay, I'm not telling anymore not-funny jokes. Promise. Sorta.

But, really, teaching young, impressionable children about this sort of serious stuff is something that no adult - parent or not - is prepared for. However, the resilient little babies they are, always see the silver lining. I've learned quite a bit in the short time since her death, but most of all, I've learned to cherish every moment with the ones you love. And I learned how to accept lies. Lies are O-K. At least I'd like to think so...

There is a very long and drawn out story to our learning of her death that I will spare from the publicity of the internet, but our children were with us when it happened and some very generous neighbors preoccupied them during the hardest parts. These neighbors had one very important and vital gift: a parrot.

So, when Brandon and Logan are reunited at the end of the day, here is how the narration goes down (Oh, Brandon was at school, so he had no idea anything out of the ordinary had happened, so he could only learn of the whole sordid truth by way of Logan):

Logan: "We were at [babysitters] house and dad couldn't get the doors open and [babysitter] didn't answer the phone and the police came and I told [babysitter] that if she didn't come out then the police were going to come in and arrest her and then the amb-a-lance [not a misspelling] came and there were lots of lights and then there was a parrot and its feathers were green and soft and it talks! It says, 'Hi' and 'Bye' and I got to touch him and hold him on my shoulder and there was a dog and the dog and the parrot are friends and, Brandon, did I tell you about the parrot?"

The whole time, Brandon is trying to interrupt but clearly can't get a word in edgewise, saying "Mom, is that true?"

Logan finally stops to take a breath and then closes with: "And then [babysitter] went to be with Jesus and I'm gonna go back over to her house when she's done."

And that's where I'm going to leave it.

I don't feel it's necessary to correct what might very well be true in my child's eyes. I'm not going to leave him with a twisted view of his own reality, because even though it's not 100% true, we all have to lie a little to be good parents.

Yeah, that means you too, Mom; I ate all that bread crust and did NOT make my hair grow any faster!

Rhetorical Questions. But open to answers.

First of all, have you ever seen anything cuter in your entire life?



Seriously, who dresses this child?



Where is the maid? (Someone needs to tell her she's doing a horrible job.)



When will my house be back to normal?!

(Um, excuse me, Owen, but let's leave the question-asking to Mom, kay? Thank you!)